Someone who is asexual experiences little or no sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is all about finding a specific person sexually attractive and wanting to have sex with them. However, everyone has a different experience with being asexual, and asexuality can mean different things to different people. If you are interested, you can obtain more information in the following article What is asexual – Definition, Meaning and Concept.
Types of attraction
Some asexual people do not experience any sexual attraction. However, that doesn’t mean they can’t experience other forms of attraction. In addition to sexual attraction, you may also experience:
- Romantic attraction: Desiring a romantic relationship with someone.
- Aesthetic attraction: being attracted to someone based on their appearance.
- Sensual or physical attraction: wanting to touch, kiss, or hug someone.
- Platonic attraction: wanting to be friends with someone.
- Emotional attraction: wanting an emotional connection with someone.
Asexual people may experience some of these forms of attraction. Some people can only experience sexual attraction in very limited circumstances. For example, someone who is demisexual, which some say falls under the asexual umbrella, experiences sexual attraction only when she has a deep connection with a person.
They have libido or sexual desire, but lack sexual attraction. There is a difference between libido, sexual desire and sexual attraction.
- Libido: Also known as your sex drive, it is about wanting to have sex and experiencing sexual pleasure and sexual release. For some people, it’s a bit like wanting to scratch an itch.
- Sexual Desire: This is the desire to have sexual intercourse, whether for pleasure, a personal connection, conception, or something else.
- Sexual attraction: This involves finding someone sexually attractive and wanting to have sex with them.
Many people who are not asexual have a low libido, or may not want to have sex. Similarly, many asexual people still have a libido and may experience sexual desire. So asexual people can still masturbate or have sex.
Again, asexuality doesn’t always mean someone doesn’t enjoy sex. It simply means that they do not experience sexual attraction. There are many reasons why an asexual person might want to have sex. For example:
- To satisfy your libido.
- Conceive children.
- To make your partner happy.
- Experience the physical pleasure of sex.
- To show and receive love.
- To feel the sensual pleasure of sex, which includes touching and hugging.
- Of course, some asexual people have little or no sexual desire. Asexuality means different things to different people.
How do others view asexuality?
- Many people view asexuality as a spectrum, with some people not experiencing sexual attraction, others experiencing a little sexual attraction, and others experiencing a lot of sexual attraction.
- One thing is for sure, it is not the same as celibacy or abstinence. Many people falsely think that asexuality is the same as celibacy or abstinence.
- Abstinence is about deciding not to have sex. This is usually temporary. For example, someone may decide not to have sex until they are married, or someone may decide not to have sex during a difficult period in her life.
- Celibacy is about deciding to abstain from sex and possibly get married. This could be for religious, cultural or personal reasons. It is often a lifetime commitment.
- Abstinence and celibacy are choices, asexuality is not. What’s more, asexual people might not abstain from sex at all. As mentioned above, some asexual people have sex.
- It is not a medical problem. Many people think that there is something wrong with asexual people. The world seems to assume that everyone is sexually attracted, so asexual people might worry that there is something wrong with themselves as well. Asexuality is not a medical concern. It’s not something that needs to be fixed. It should go without saying, but being asexual is not the same as experiencing: Fear of intimacy; Loss of libido; sexual repression; sexual aversion; sexual dysfunction.
- Anyone can develop one or more of these conditions, regardless of sexual orientation.
- There is no cause. As with homosexuality or bisexuality, there is no underlying cause for asexuality. That’s how someone is. Asexuality is not genetic, it is the result of trauma, or it is caused by something else.
- And it has nothing to do with not being able to find a partner. Many asexual people want romantic relationships, and many asexual people have happy, healthy romantic relationships. Sexual attraction and desire are not the same as romantic attraction and desire. Wanting to have sex with someone is different from wanting to be in a romantic relationship with them.
- Sexual attraction and romantic attraction. Similarly, it’s important to remember that sexual attraction is not the same as romantic attraction. Sexual desire is also different from romantic desire.
- One is the desire to have sex, while the other is about wanting a romantic relationship. Many asexual people desire and have romantic relationships.
- An asexual person may not experience sexual attraction, but may still experience romantic attraction. An asexual person might be romantically attracted to people of the same gender, people of another gender, or people of multiple genders.
- Many asexual people want and have romantic relationships. These romantic relationships can be with other asexual people, or with people who are not asexual.
- Asexual people can be sexually intimate with their partner. As mentioned, some asexual people have sex, because sexual desire is different than sexual attraction.
- In other words, you might not look at someone and feel the urge to have sex with them, but you might still want to have sex.
- Every asexual person is different. Some may be repulsed by sex, some may feel indifferent about it, some may enjoy it, and some asexual people may not be interested in romantic relationships.
- In no case is there sexual violence.
The ability to attract is fluid
- Some may find that their attractiveness or desire changes over time, and that’s okay. Many people feel that their identity is fluid.
- One day, they may feel that they are asexual because they experience little or no sexual attraction. Weeks or months later, they may feel a change, and may find that they experience sexual attraction more often.
- Similarly, someone might identify as straight, and then feel that they are asexual. This does not mean that they were wrong or confused before. It also doesn’t mean sexual orientation is a phase or something you grow out of.
- For some people, their attractiveness is fluid and changes over time. This is completely normal. If you experienced sexual attraction in the past but no longer, your asexual identity is still valid.
- Asexual people may have experienced sexual attraction in the past but no longer do so. The attractiveness of some people can change over time.
- The fact that an asexual person felt sexual attraction before does not erase their identity now. The same is true for people who no longer identify as asexual.
- Similarly, some people may identify as asexual and then feel that they frequently experience sexual attraction.
- This does not mean that they were never asexual, or that they were mistaken in identifying them as asexual. It may simply be that your sexual orientation changed over time.